Like The Tomato
Nothing here but my musings about daily life, books, anime, and food.
I’ve been doing morning pages on and off since last year. But it was not until recently that I found myself actually looking forward to writing in the morning before my day starts. What is it? Well, it’s just a practice of writing down a stream of consciousness. It must be three pages long. And it needs to be done first thing in the morning. The simplified way to explain it? It’s just a brain dump. And you don’t reread it. I’m not too strict with it. I had to change it a little bit to make it work for me.
What are the changes that I made? I do it after I feed my dogs, and sometimes, I do it during a more appropriate time. I am not a morning person in general. So waking up any earlier than 6 AM is tough. And I have duties in the morning. It amazes me how people can wake up any earlier than that. But I try to block my time so that I can do it before noon. So at least it is still morning when I do it.
Instead of committing to three pages, I blocked an hour every morning to write my pages. There are days that I write more than three pages, sometimes just two pages. And that is fine. As long as I write for an hour. When I started this last year, I found that the three-page commitment was just not working out for me and that was the main reason why I kept on dropping it. The three pages placed too much pressure on me and I did not want to do it at all. There were days that I just had nothing to write, and I didn’t find writing “I don’t know what to write” just to fill the page enticing. So, I tweaked it and I found it more productive for me. I know that this might just be in my head, but my brain (or my being really) found committing to an hour block more doable than committing to three pages. Three pages is daunting. An hour block is more palatable.
Other than those two things, I pretty much do it like how everyone else is doing it. It took me a bit to be okay with losing a train of thought when my brain decided to throw me a different one altogether. It took a bit of practice to let go of a thought because my brain wanted to unravel a new one. I’m pretty sure if – IF – I reread my morning journal I would be reading some incomplete thoughts. But I won’t be rereading them. That is the point of a brain dump. You dump the noise out of your brain to make room for new ones – more productive ones. I’ve realized that some of the noise that I dump on paper are ideas or things that I want to do so it helps to have a highlighter on hand to mark them to flesh out later. But to be honest, I don’t even highlight them. Right after the hour, I just write them on a piece of paper and stick it in my EDC.
What do I write about? Whatever is in my brain at that time. I have days where my brain would put me on a roller coaster and there would be a lot of self-reflection, and there are days where I find that my brain just wants me to write about fried chicken. Sometimes my writing was focused on feelings, and sometimes, it was focused on complaints. And that’s okay. As long as I write all of them. If a new thought comes to mind, I drop the other one and pull on the string of thoughts on the new one. It definitely took me a bit to be okay with this. It takes practice for sure.
One thing that I found so fulfilling about this exercise is the fact that I don’t have to be perfect. As a perfectionist, doing morning pages made me feel free. It’s been liberating for sure. I use a lined 8.5×11 journal. I know I am more inclined to use the journal if I like the supplies I use. So I did buy a nice-ish notebook and I use a gel pen for writing. But you can use anything. If 8.5×11 is too much, just use an A5 notebook.
I don’t even wear my glasses when I do this. The pages are blurry to me, and I just use the blur of the lines on the page as a guide on where to write. My penmanship is barely legible. And I don’t mind! Like I said, it’s a very freeing practice. And I think that’s what I really enjoy about this. I’m not writing it for anyone else. It’s for me. And I don’t have to reread either. It’s a write-it-down-and-forget kind of journaling. But as I said, sometimes my brain would be throwing ideas in there and since I’ve written it down, it’s easier to recall later to flesh it out.
How long have I been doing this nonstop? Two months on paper. I started last year, I used my freewrite machine for it. But I found that I get distracted with editing it. I was too aware of my writing. But since I decided to just do it on paper with a pen, I found that it was easier for me to just write continuously. It was pretty interesting trying to keep up with my brain. So there were a lot of unfinished thoughts, most likely mistakes, and there were definitely erasures. Would I keep doing it? Oh for sure. As I said, the practice is freeing. And I have not felt this free with writing in such a long time.
Well, another year is done. 2023 flew by pretty quickly. I often complain that when you were a teenager, the years go by so slowly. But once you hit a certain age, for me it was the age of 21, the years just go by really fast. And there is nothing you can do about it.
2023 was a challenge. It was not fun. It was difficult. And for most of the year, I felt that I was drowning. What the heck happened in 2023?
Job. I lost my job during Q1. Sure, I was not particularly attached to my job but it was something that paid the bills you know. I found myself hateful. Not because of what I lost, but because of how management handled it. The lies. The lack of transparency. The lack of empathy. Let’s just say, it was bad. I was unemployed for about 7 months. The job market was awful. There were a lot of ghost job posts out there. I didn’t count how many positions I applied for, but for a lot of them, I didn’t even get that general rejection email. Out of all that, I only got three interviews. One of them resulted in me getting a new job by November.
Personal and Mental Health. Well, with being unemployed came depression and anxiety. The thought of when I would be homeless came to mind. It was not a good thought to be stewing upon. I was struggling with having the motivation to do anything. I isolated myself. Not because I didn’t want to be social but because I’d rather be in bed and not talk to anyone. For the most part, that was what I did. l was fine at the beginning of the unemployment mind you. But as the months passed, I just shut down and shut people out. And that was not good. Not just for me but for the people around me. I worried them and that was not good. I started bouncing back around October and from then I’ve been kind of establishing the routine that I lost. So far, I’ve been doing okay. Sure I still have bad days but not often. So I will take that.
Reading. I devoured some good books. Heaven Official’s Blessing is at the forefront for sure. This series did put me in a good mood. It was a nice escape from my brain. Craig & Fred was a memoir that I enjoyed a lot. I found gems in the manga/manhwa/manhua format – You Get Me Going, How My Daddies Became Mates, Given. There’s a lot more of course but these three became my favorites off the bat. In total, I read 177 items for 2023 – 56% of which were manhwa, 25% being novels. Out of the items I read, 67% were webtoons, 17% were in physical format, and 16% were eBooks. Sure my consumed genre could use a bit of diversification but hey, the genre that I mostly read was worth it.
Goals for 2024. I have some resolutions of course. The regular “lose XX lbs”, “read XX physical books”, “save $XX”. I did break these yearly goals into mini-goals so that I can at least keep track of them more efficiently and so it’s not so daunting to do them. All I know is that I’m ready to get my life on track this year. I was a mess last year, I need some kind of control over my life.
Hello. How are you? I am okay if you are interested. Life got in the way. Good news: I finally have a job. I started feeling the financial pressure around September. But the good news came in mid-ish October that I got the job I felt excited for. I am pretty sure you can imagine my relief after I got the news. It felt like a weight was lifted off my shoulders.
I also found myself in a non-writing mood. I have not been able to journal at all. Much less post anything on here, which is fine. I am not about to berate myself for it. My moods go up and down. And the daily posting kind of burned me out. But I also found it hard to share anything when there is nothing to share.
Aside from the new job, my free time has been consumed by looking at apartments. Because yes, I am planning on moving to a bigger space. With a hybrid position, I need an actual workspace at home. The setup that I am doing currently is less than ideal. It works at the moment. However, I am already annoyed having to disconnect my laptop to hook up my work laptop and vice versa. Take note that I’ve only been doing this for a couple of months and I’m already complaining. Not good.
I was finally able to resume hangout time with my partner. With my mental health in shambles for about six months, I isolated myself. Just embraced the depression and anxiety that took over me. And I need to work on it. Not to shut him off – anyone for that matter – and at least just let him know that I am doing okay. Again, I will continue working on this. Long distance is difficult enough, I don’t need to add more pressure on top of the distance and time zone difference.
I am also trying to get back into routine. Keyword: trying. Some stuff needs to be reshuffled since 40 hours a week have been blocked off for work. To be honest, I am struggling to reshuffle since I have no motivation to do things. However, I know it needs to be done. And so it will be done…eventually. And with that, I hope to post a bit more often here. It might still not be daily, but something – targeting a couple of times a week. I am also trying to get back to reading novels. Not that reading webtoons is not good. But I have three novels on my desk right now that I need to continue with.
Oh! My life has been consumed with watching true crime docuseries lately. I am not surprised whatsoever. My moods and interests cycle through and I guess my brain likes to consume these kinds of content right now. So that was that.
I read a lot of manhwa last month. I think my brain wanted to take a break from novels for a bit. So, I read 23 manhwa, 2 graphic novels, 2 manga, and 5 novels. All in all, my reading is still not bad. I enjoyed a lot of the ones I read, and I even found a couple of gems that I really recommend.
Out of the 23 manhwa last month, there are three worth mentioning:
You Get Me Going (manhwa, webtoon). This is a completed manhwa with 2 seasons. I finished 1 season last month and I am currently reading season 2. This is one of the healthiest BLs out there. It is fun, the story works, and the MCs are adorable. This follows an enemies-to-lovers trope, with them starting as coworkers who cannot stand each other, progressing to fuck buddies, then to them realizing that they are falling for each other. This was a gem. The story for season 1 was good, the progression of the relationship was natural, and the communication was great. I enjoyed my reading experience with this manhwa.
XXX Buddy (manhwa, webtoon). This is an ongoing manhwa with 2 complete seasons, season 3 is ongoing. I read the 2 completed seasons while I was in SoCal. What do I like about this one? Again, a BL that showcases a healthy relationship between the MCs. Sure, they started rocky, not quite as enemies but not really friends either. They are coworkers, both leads of their respective teams, and collaborate a lot. One thing is for sure is the fact that they are drawn to each other. They started as fuck buddies as well, but I am at the point of the story where they are realizing that they mean more to each other than casual hook-up partners. Again, the communication between these two characters is top-notch. The progression of the story and the relationship is natural.
Sheep’s Mask (manhwa, webtoon). This is a completed manhwa with just 12 chapters. A quick read for sure but a difficult one. I am not sure why this is under the BL category because it’s not. There is no love here. This was a story of revenge. A private experienced a lot of horrible things during his military service, the MC knew about it and didn’t do anything and even partake in this horrible thing. The private vowed revenge. And that was fair. I cannot fault him for it. This is violent, and graphic. And I found my heart broken after reading the story.
Alpha’s Cage, Fox Hunt (novels, eBooks). These are books 9 and 10 of the Haven City series. So I finally finished this 10-book series. Out of these two, I enjoyed Alpha’s Cage a bit more. A second-chance romance that involves loss, grieving, and letting go. For a novel of only 200-something pages, it packed emotions and it was done well. I think this might be my favorite in this series. Fox Hunt was fine. I just didn’t like the age gap, it was just too much of a gap for me to be comfortable.
Omega in the Shadows, Omega in the Light (novels, eBooks). These are books 1 and 2 of a 6-book series called Lost Wolves by the same author of the Haven City series. I think you can guess that I enjoyed Haven City so much that I decided to pick another series by the same author. These two books follow 2 omega brothers who happen to be assassins. Omega in the Shadows follows Elijah Kane, an omega assassin. A mercenary hired to kill some high profile questionable people. He came face to face with Rowan Gregor who happens to be working for the CIA and super hellbent on hunting him down. Omega in the Light follows Simeon Kane, another omega assassin who happens to be Elijah’s younger brother. His target, Zev Oren, proved to be a huge problem. Not because he is tough to kill but because he thinks his target is too vibrant and too alive to die. Anyway, I enjoyed these two books. A little bit more graphic on the violence compared to Haven City which I loved. This series also involves a fated mate trope. So far, out of these two books that I read, I liked book 2 a bit more. I enjoyed the progression of the relationship between Simeon and Zev a bit more.
Heaven Official’s Blessing Vol 5 (novel, physical). I cannot describe anymore how much I love this series. I love the very feisty baby Hua Cheng in this volume. I love the shenanigans between these martial gods especially Pei Ming while he was teasing Xie Lian regarding Hua Cheng. I love the revelations that I am slowly getting as I read more in the series. I was laughing, I was annoyed, my heart fluttered. Again, I just cannot describe how this series is just too good for words. I am reading volume 6 right now.
given vol 8 (manga, physical). I waited for this volume until the physical copy came out. This series better not be done. This book still has a bit more internal conflict as Mafuyu struggles to decide if he wants to go pro with his band. There is definitely some tension between Mafuyu and Ritsuka making the latter question their relationship and his boyfriend’s behavior. However, I am excited about the debut of Hiragi’s band where Ritsuka is playing guitars temporarily since given is kind of at a standstill waiting for Mafuyu’s decision. Anyway, this manga better continues, I am more than invested.
I mean, despite the lower number of novels read last month, I still consider October a successful reading month. I also realized that I really enjoy enemies-to-lovers stories. There is some kind of satisfaction that I feel when the characters realize that they are in love with each other. And when they finally confess their feelings to each other, oh the happiness I feel. I am looking into expanding towards that genre a little bit. I also find enjoyment when the communication between characters is so clear. I don’t know why that is not something that can be incorporated a bit more. Anyway, hopefully, I get to keep this momentum up for November.
I really cannot complain about my reading for this month. 17 items read is really not bad for me. I read 7 manhwa, 1 memoir, and 9 novels. Again, I have nothing to complain about. I enjoyed most of the things on this list.
Out of the 7 manhwa I read this month, three definitely stood out – The Words in Your Snare, The Big Apple, and The Black Mirror. There were two that I really didn’t like – Link in the Hole and All For 9900 Won. Hold Me Tight and Pleasure Principle were fine.
The Words in Your Snare (manhwa, webtoon). The story follows Lee Jooin, a reclusive cafe owner with some kind of ability who catches the eye of a gangster, Mookya. Mookya also happened to be the only person whose thoughts Jooin couldn’t read. Due to circumstances beyond his control, Jooin got dragged into Mookya’s dangerous world. It was pretty obvious since the beginning that Jooin would be drawn to Mookya. I mean, can you blame him? It would be nice to be with someone whose thoughts he couldn’t read. Anyway, the story was a lot to take in. It has organized crimes, special abilities, romance with a dangerous person…and then throws some kind of incestuous brother in the mix. This was such a wild ride – it was difficult to read especially as the story progressed and we got to see Jooin’s past life that led to him moving to live exclusively in a rural area. For the most part, it was heartbreaking. And I couldn’t stop reading.
The Black Mirror (manhwa, webtoon). Well, I mean I knew that this would be some kind of fantasy when I started reading it. But I did not realize that it would be supernatural and creepy. In this manhwa, we follow Tae-jun who lost his childhood memories. As he was looking for an apartment, he met a handsome writer, Yeon-woo, who recognized him immediately. And as Tae-jun started living with Yeon-woo, his nightmares and hallucinations of bloody, disembodied hands escalated. This was definitely not something that I would normally gravitate towards but I got so invested so quickly that I couldn’t stop reading. I needed to know what the fuck was happening. It was wild. I can say that I was not scared of the hands and the mirrors, I was more scared of the psychological aspect of the relationship between Jun and Yeon-woo. It was definitely a mind-fuck of an experience.
The Big Apple (manhwa, webtoon). In this story, we follow Joachim – a very talented sniper of an organization called the Secret Intelligence Agency. His work definitely is stressful and his only reprieve is his times with his lover, Juergen. Honestly, I thought this would be some kind of action manhwa that’s why I gravitated towards it. But I was wrong, it was really some kind of urban fantasy with gifted characters and dragons. I did enjoy how the conflict arose and got resolved. I was not invested in the romance as much. I did have some issues with the relationship between the main characters. There was too much possession and toxicity, a lot of games and manipulation. It got really difficult to read at times. However, aside from that, I really enjoyed the plot when it progressed.
Craig & Fred (memoir, physical book). I don’t want to say too much about this. Let’s just say that this book became one of my favorite reads. I mean, it was about a dog and a marine and how they saved each other. What is not to love about this? It was definitely emotional in parts. I was definitely in an emotional roller coaster. I will have a separate reaction post on this book soon.
Lolita (classic, physical book). I just want to say that I read “Lolita”. It was a good read, and I will say this again, you’re not missing anything if you haven’t read this one. I already had a reaction up about this one. Check the post here.
Beta’s Thief, Alpha’s War, Tiger’s Den, Dragon & Flame, Alpha’s Gamble, Alpha Enchanted (novels, eBooks). These are books 3 to 8 of a 10-book Haven City series. Out of these six books, I enjoyed Beta’s Thief and Alpha’s War were my favorite reads. Not the best for sure, but these two had some angsts and a bit of heist in the story. So, of course, I would enjoy them. The other novels were okay. I think I just preferred the characters, dynamics, and conflicts in books 3 & 4. It took a while for me to get into the stories for the latter novels.
Heaven Official’s Blessing Vol 3 and Vol 4 (novels, physical books). I love this series. I have nothing else to say. My heart was fluttering the whole time I was reading these volumes. The interactions between Xie Lian and Hua Cheng made me smile and giddy. I was laughing at certain parts. The story could be really graphic. And the author did not shy away from gore. These were some great reads!
I did enjoy the majority of what I read last month. I really took some time to catch up on some manhwa in September compared to the months prior. I am hopeful that I can keep my reading momentum through October.
I had a pretty successful reading month. It helped that I really didn’t want to do anything else. I also knew that the quantity and material that I read on a monthly basis were not up to par with other readers out there. And that was okay.
I used to be jealous of people who could sit and read all day – reading three or more books a week. It took me a while to actually accept that I probably won’t be able to do that. People are different – reading speed, jobs, free time. There were a lot of factors to consider. And it took a while for me to stop comparing myself to other readers. I even stopped making “read xx amount of books” as a yearly goal for me. I just don’t see myself reading 100+ books a year.
Anyway, I read 8 things in August – 1 manhwa, 1 memoir, and 6 novels. 81 episodes and 1749 total pages. 1 webtoon, 1 physical book, 6 eBooks. For how I am, this was a decent reading month. Trust me, it would be lucky if I finish 3 books in a month. So this much reading was good.
Secondo Piatto (manhwa, webtoon). It was decent. I had fun with this BL webtoon about a chef and a detective. The chef’s restaurant was located in an area where the mafia was very interested in. Some action ensued. The chef and the detective were both in love with their best friends who happened to get married. And they were stuck in this loneliness of losing both the love of their lives. And you guessed it, they turned to each other for comfort. It was okay. I enjoyed it for the most part so I cannot really complain. I’ve read better manhwas for sure. But for what it was, the story was cute.
Hi, Anxiety (memoir, physical book). I already have a separate post about this one. I picked it because I felt like I was drowning in depression and anxiety, so I wanted to read about how someone was able to live with something like this. Check the post here.
Adrenaline Rush, Omega’s Kiss, Father Figure, and Together Again (novels, eBooks). These are books 2 to 5 of a five-novel series called Never Too Late. It’s an omegaverse series set in Boston. The characters included detectives (the alphas) in the Cold Case division and their respective omegas. Not going to elaborate too much. I am still thinking if I want to create separate posts for this specific genre. If you enjoy the alpha-omega dynamic, this series as a whole is decent. I enjoyed the books for the most part.
Rogue Wolf, and Alpha’s Shadow (novels, eBooks). These are books 1 and 2 of a ten-novel series called Haven City. This is an urban fantasy M/M romance series involving the shadow world of Haven City. We have shifters, sorcerers, elves, seers, healers…You name it, this series would most likely have it. Books 1 and 2 mainly focused on detectives Sharp and Alwen, who incidentally are both members of the shadow world – Sharp, a wolf shifter, and Alwen, a half-elf seer. Again, I am not going to elaborate. As I said, I am not sure if I want to create a separate post for this genre. The first two books were fun. I enjoyed the action, the mystery, and the “mate” trope.
For the most part, I am reading for enjoyment. Aside from reading classics and nonfiction, a lot of the books that I chose to read are mostly for my escapism. And this month was no different. Aside from the memoir, these books were chosen for my entertainment and distraction. I am not sure what September will look like. I have plans on going back to a schedule this month so we shall see how that would affect my reading.