Like The Tomato
Nothing here but my musings about daily life, books, anime, and food.
It has been a long month for all of us. I have been working from home closer to two months now. I got lucky that I have a predisposed condition – I never thought I would ever utter these words in my entire life – that got me exempted from working onsite, being an essential working and all. And I can honestly say that I love it.
But having only bedroom and not enough space in the apartment to set up two stations, our dining table has been transformed to one big mess. My work laptop, my gaming laptop and extra monitor and all the extras took over one side of the dining table. Chris’ setup took over the other side. So our dining table does not exist at the moment.
Dining Table Mess
Being an introvert with social anxiety, I don’t really mind not being around people. Honestly, I prefer it. I don’t like being in crowds and getting to work and being at work tend to be very exhausting at times. And unnecessary conversations is something that I don’t really like. So this working from home setup is a dream for me. But oddly enough, as introvert as I am, I find myself having very slight issues with it.
It gets too quiet. I am alone for almost throughout the day with only the dogs for company. And it is such a surprise to realize that other people’s voices ground me in some way. My anxiety gets triggered when it’s too quiet. Isn’t that crazy? I didn’t realize that hearing conversations around me, regardless if I partake in them or not, relaxes me I guess. This is normally alleviated by music. But lately, it’s been a struggle. So I have been watching live streams all throughout my shift just so I hear a different voice.
Cabin Fever. Well not necessarily. But since Chris and I have been limiting our going out – meaning going to the store for necessities, I am pretty much in the apartment 24/7. And it’s slowly driving me insane that I have been s staring at the same walls for the past month or so. I know that I can walk outside. Fuck no. I am working from home for a reason. And I am not subjecting myself to a risk that I don’t need to be dealing with. So my quick solution? Going out the balcony and staying under the sun for a few minutes and breathing in some nice fresh cool air.
I have not been able to read. I personally find that really disappointing. I personally thought that I would be able to read more since I am just home and I should be able to just pick up a book. But I was definitely wrong. The commute to work is my reading time. And that is not part of my weekdays for now. Sure I can listen to audiobooks while working but I find it hard to focus with work sometimes when I’m listening to a book. Especially since I am dealing with some really sensitive materials, I try to give it the focus that it deserves. And books tend to divide my attention. And now that school started for me, it’s been a little difficult to insert some leisure reading in my packed schedule.
I forget to eat and drink water. Yeah – not good at keeping track of time. At least when I am working onsite, I have my coworker remind me that it’s time to eat and all of that. But since I started working at home, I often find myself skipping a meals. And if do remember to eat, it’s the not-Roma-proof variety. And I have been been having so many issues about this. My allergies are all over the place right now. The moment that I started working from home, my discipline about food went out the window and I am suffering from it.
Well I still have a month of working from home. And I still have how many days to keep my sanity at home. And I am just taking it one day at a time. One movie at a time? One Episode at a time? One stream at a time? Yeah – we shall see how this little self discipline project pans out.
This was not a new discovery. I am very familiar with the platform. I’ve had a Twitch account for a while now but I haven’t really been on it religiously. I just downloaded it to mainly watch live streams or even recorded streams of Sims 4. That includes the game plays or buildings. But I never really gotten into it…until recently. By recently, I mean last Monday last week.
I came across a live stream of someone playing Counter-Strike: Global Offensive. And if you know me well enough, then it won’t be a surprise why I gravitated towards that stream. I dabbled in this CS frenzy way back when, my teen years really, when I was still in the Philippines. So when I found that stream I was hooked a bit. I mean, nostalgia you know?
So while I was on the bus on Monday, I was on the way home, I got a notification that this guy was streaming CS. So I was enjoying that for a bit until I got home and he switched to playing Apex Legends with a couple of his friends. One of his friends, who also happened to be streaming at that time, was talking to his chat about cheese and how he doesn’t like them or at least not eating cheese on its own. So I just had to find him. WHO DOES NOT LIKE CHEESE???
Twitch Channel: milehighclutch7
I went to his stream just to troll a bit. I was really just curious on who is this person who doesn’t like cheese. But I enjoyed how he interacted with his twitch fam and I never left. Watched his stream for 6 whole hours! Sometime in the middle of that, his dog Bubba decided to bark and showed his lovely self to the camera. And he had been the catalyst – I subscribed to the channel impulsively. And since I have no self discipline, I bought some bits – and cheered. No regrets though. I have not missed a stream since. Favorite? For sure. He has a smaller channel which I like since he gets to engage with his followers or whoever is in the chat a bit more. Which is pretty hard to do when you have maybe a thousand people on the chat? It’s a bit more personal which is nice.
Twitch Channel: catziilla
Since finding out Zeph’s channel, I have been raving about Apex Legends to Chris non stop. To the point that I was telling her that I have been really considering playing again and starting with that game. She decided to check the game out. Searched for Apex Legends on Twitch and Cat so happened to be streaming. Chris was watching her live stream when I got home from work Thursday night and damn, that girl is good! We pretty much just watched the rest of her live stream. She is definitely an animated one. But when she is focused, hot damn, she is focused and I couldn’t take my eyes away. And did I mention she is freakin’ good at Apex Legends?
Twitch Channel: negaoryx
I found this streamer through Chris really. Got home one day and she was watching Neg. It was towards the end of her stream so I missed what game she was actually streaming at that time. But from what I saw, it was sort of scary. It was Dead by Daylight. I followed her but not religiously. I did watch her latest recorded stream on Wednesday night and I highly enjoyed it. Yesterday I got a notification that she was streaming and just went ahead and watched it. She was of course playing Dead by Daylight. Her channel is pretty huge, she is a full time streamer so she does have a lot of following. But that didn’t deter her from being engaged with her people for pretty much the whole stream. The draw for me was that she is pretty new in the Dead of Daylight game or a multiplayer game and it is definitely entertaining seeing her progress and find out how to do things. Watching her play this game really made me interested in the game…Addicted even.
Since I watched Neg’s stream, I got really interested in looking into other streamers who have been playing the game for a lot longer…Hence the next two streamers:
Twitch Channel: Sattelizer
I was watching another streamer playing Dead by Daylight before I jumped on this one. And he was having a 24 hr live stream of Dead by Daylight. It was already midnight when I entered his stream. And since I am such a responsible adult, I watched the live stream till morning, when he ended the stream. So I was up the whole night. WATCHING A LIVE STREAM! What kept me up? He was playing with his subs, well actually whoever was in the chat and wanted to play. He is funny and I like his sense of humor. I liked how engaged he was with his people as well. The conversations that went on that stream were definitely adult friendly. Well, they were not scared to discuss a bit more adult topics – smut anyone? This one is also a big channel so it was really nice to experience how he interact with his chat. And since I have no self discipline, I jumped to another stream right after Satt said his byes.
Twitch Channel: Morf_UK
Of course, Morf was also playing Dead by Daylight – because I just couldn’t get enough of that game play for some reason. The main hook for me and what made me stay and watch his live stream was his reactions. They were priceless. I could still hear his scream in my head. The back ground playlist he was playing didn’t hurt either. I was lucky enough to see him play both the killer and a survivor for this particular live stream. And watching someone play the killer was definitely a good change in perspective. Totally changed the experience for me. And he was good at both. Which was definitely a breath of fresh air. Morf’s commentaries didn’t shy away from more adult content, which definitely was nice. That personally made him more relatable to me than some streamers for sure. He ended his stream about 1 pm today I think.
I think what worries me about this is the fact that I haven’t slept at all. Been awake for over 3o hours now. Chris knows this about me, and one that I absolutely don’t like about myself, is that if I find something that even slightly pique my interest, I get borderline obsessed. All my free time will be spent on that interest and I will find time to indulge on that interest. Hence not sleeping AT ALL. And I will have blinders on me, like now, nothing will keep me away from this new interest for a while. That worries me. Because my personality will not let me do otherwise.
I never thought that I would be obsessed with Twitch – well more like certain game plays. And I am still deciding if this newly discovered fascination with live game streams is a good thing. Or am I just using this as an escape because I can’t seem to pick a new novel to read for about a week now? Mood reader curse. Apparently, Twitch is what my mood wants right now. So Twitch is what it will get. I learned not to go against what my mood wants at this point. It’s detrimental to my health. So for a while, I will just watching streams. Join me?
I’ve said this so many times, I am a mood reader and I consider that as my own personal curse. My next read will always be dictated by my mood…and it could really be a hell of a challenge.
So what does it really like to be one?
I often struggle with finding the next book to read. Just because my mood changes so abruptly sometimes, I often had difficulty finding the next book to pick up. I can pick up an X number amount of books in a day and still not find the right book. The struggle will always be real.
I don’t have a “To Be Read” schedule. I’ve always had a problem with sticking to a TBR list. And this one hurts because I love crossing out something off a list. I am often jealous of people who can just pick the books that they would read for the rest of the month and successfully stick to it. But because my mood at the beginning of the month won’t be consistent for the rest of it, I always end up scrapping the whole list. The “To Be Read” pile is there, I just don’t have a list.
I have a lot of unread books. I have a lot of partially read books too. I learned early on that I can’t really force myself to read a book. Not that I haven’t done that in the past, I have, and it never ends up good. So I am not scared of putting a book down and setting it aside for a later time. I don’t see the point of forcing myself to finish a book. It’s unfair for me and the book. Hence, my pile of to be read books is forever growing.
I don’t really follow the list of new releases or anticipated releases. I don’t find myself getting overly excited for it. Or I can be excited but still won’t pick that book up until maybe a few months after or even a year after. The only exception to this one was Harry Potter of course.
I can’t join a read-a-long or a book club. These group readings could be fun and I often find myself wanting to join one. But since the books being read in these group settings are often predetermined, it’s difficult for me to join or engage at all. I definitely struggled with the required readings for school.
I struggle with reading slumps as much as I hate to admit it. It could be days, weeks, or months before I’m able to find a book that I am in the mood for. A book hangover definitely has been a contributing factor to some of these. But most often than not, it was because I couldn’t find the right book.
My reading count is definitely not consistent every year. Like I said, I could be in an extreme reading slump and not able to read for a long periods of time. Or it could be like last year and I found the topic and genre that I was in the mood for and just fly through the books.
I can’t participate in a yearly reading challenge, or any reading challenges to be honest. May it be just saying I will read an X amount of books for a year or following a reading prompt for that year or just picking a book from a TBR jar. I would definitely fail. Trust me, I tried so many times.
I go through different genres. I have my favorite of course. But being a mood reader definitely gave me the chance to explore different genres. I love it. Although, I still have to find myself picking up more non fictions. If my mood decide to shift me there, that would be great.
I can also fly through books once I find the right genre or topic I’m in the mood for. Since my mood can fluctuate a lot, I try to read as much books as I can in a short amount of time under that specific topic/genre. This was not often the case, last year was definitely lucky. From September until the present really, my mood apparently hasn’t changed. So I have been flying through books in one genre/topic. Since then, I often finish a book a day or two.
Bottom line, being a mood reader can be crippling at times and I do get frustrated once in a while, but I have learned to just go with it. Sure the downside is there, but I like the advantages too. The past year has definitely been a game changer. Since I am stuck in a genre right now, I have a choice to stop reading for a while and pick up a different genre at a later time. Or just go with it and embrace it. And that’s what I did. I am on book 14 for the month of January, so I can’t complain.
One fact about me. I have not eaten alone in a restaurant. Nothing against it for sure. I admired people who can just go inside a restaurant and ask for a table for one. Yeah. Never done that. I always felt like all eyeballs will be on me. Intellectually, I knew that this was not the case. Of course, this was just my social anxiety talking.
But being the loner that I am, I thought what is the harm on eating alone anyway. So during my last trip to San Francisco, I decided to take the plunge and try it. I was staying at Union Square at that time and there were restaurants all over the place. From popular ones to smaller businesses.
I chose a little Japanese restaurant along Geary St in Union Square, Katana Ya. I decided for an early dinner just so I could still get the experience of eating alone without the dinner crowd. It was little quaint restaurant, with dim lighting, music playing softly in the background. The restaurant was not loud, always good in my books. I opted to sit at the bar. This way my back was to the crowd, which thinking about it now might not have been the smartest move on my part. But seeing as this was my first time venturing out on my own in a restaurant, I wanted to blind myself of the crowd.
I ordered the Tonkatsu Don because why not? I skipped on putting my headphones on. Since I was already vulnerable with my back to the crowd, I wanted to at least be alert enough to hear what was going on. I decided to read. And I did just that throughout dinner. I read while I slowly ate my dinner, once in a while getting distracted by the crowd chattering behind me.
The next stop, I decided, should be a busier chain. Cheesecake Factory. Lo and behold – it was crowded for an early dinner time. It was LOUD. The only thing that I really appreciated with this specific location was the fact that it was on the top floor of the Macy’s Building – so it was bright. Considering that there was already a line when I went, I only waited about 15 minutes before being directed to a table. I laughed silently as I realized where I was being lead to – the “table for one” section.
I started with a mojito, they did offer more variations of this with different flavors like pineapple, but I opted for the classic. It was definitely refreshing. Ordered Tex Mex for appetizer, and the Hibachi Steak as the main course. And yes, I realized that it as a lot food but I didn’t care. My excuse? I was starving. Ri-ight. Just like the previous restaurant, I opted to read instead of listening to anything through headphones.
For a tiny Asian woman, I finished the food. I was proud of myself for this one. I was so lost in my own world, well more like the world of the book I was reading, that I didn’t realize that I finished all the food I ordered. I even ordered a second glass of mojito for good measure.
So my verdict? I liked it. To be honest, the experience was quite nice. I was able to enjoy the food more. I always ate fast but with me being alone, I was just savoring it more. Most likely because I wasn’t lost in the chatter. I knew it took longer for me to finish the dishes that I ordered compared to when I eat with someone. I was able to just enjoy my own company, or should I say the company of my book at that time. I loved the combo – me, book and food.
Well, Thanksgiving came and went. This was our second Thanksgiving in Washington. Much like last year, Chris and I decided to celebrate the holiday with the just each other. But we agreed that we would lessen the food that we make – we went overboard last year, definitely prepared food for more that two people, to say we got carried away was an understatement.
So for this year, we decided to skip on the ham and turkey, we chose ribeye steaks. And that meat was beautiful… We had some asparagus, stuffing, and green bean casserole. Normally, I would be the one in the kitchen cooking but this year, Chris decided that she wanted to cook all the dishes. And so she did. She slaved in the kitchen while I lost myself in Christmas romance movies – because why not?
We both preferred our steaks rare, and she made a damn good job cooking those ribeyes to perfection. I’d like to share her process but I honestly don’t know how, grilling and cooking meat is her forte not mine. So I was more than happy to let her rule the kitchen for Thanksgiving.
We didn’t decorate – we are not decorators and we believe that we can celebrate without the trappings of the holiday. So we just laid the dishes as simple as we liked. And dug in. Pretty simple Thanksgiving dinner for the both of us. It was a pretty relaxed dinner for sure. And my introverted loner heart sang.
There are things that I need to be thankful for. A new job. A promotion. My family who has been supportive with every decisions I made and continue to make. Friends that regardless the distance are still there when I need to reach out and talk. My dogs who give me cuddles and I can always count on to make me feel better after a stressful day. And of course, Chris. For loving me for who I am and being patient with me always. Four years together and she still chooses to stay with me even though I can be the most difficult person in the world. And for choosing to slave in the kitchen to cook us a bomb Thanksgiving dinner though she had been awake all night because she had to work.
I finally unpacked all our books. A little over a year here in Washington and all our books are now on bookshelves. Organized as well – the books are definitely arranged alphabetically by author, then alphabetically by title for authors we own multiple books of, and obviously the series in order of release.
The reorganization of our book collection was definitely not planned. Well, a little bit planned – since we needed to get extra shelves, I knew I wanted to do it but I just didn’t know when. But with my anxiety on high lately, I needed something to focus on. And the process did help to pull myself out of my head.
So…the process took a few hours. I started around 3 am – I know, crazy but my anxiety doesn’t really pick a time and when it’s on high, I definitely can’t sleep. So I knew the timing was perfect. I was done by about 11 am. Not too bad. I moved the little furniture we have in the living area to make room for the floor sorting. We had a number of books from authors whose last names start with the letters B, S, M and T, which I found weirdly interesting for some unknown reason.
We currently have 5 tall-ish bookshelves against the wall. We got these ones from Ikea to line the wall of the living area. We agreed on not shedding too much money on sturdier bookshelves at this time because we know that this apartment living is something temporary. And I wanted to build a customized bookshelf once we have a permanent living situation. We also decided to get a smaller 12 cube shelf which we got from Amazon to house our smaller paperbacks and mangas.
We do own a number of graphic novels and hardbound books, which are not photographed here. I still yet to organize those. They have shelves of their own, just not organized. That would be for a later time since organizing our paperbacks, fun as it was for me, was very tedious.
One thing I didn’t do though, and I should have, was tally the books. The last count we did was almost 3 years ago, and the total was a little over 5oo books. Our collection definitely grew from that number. I will definitely do the count once I organize the rest of the books. I am also planning on creating a spreadsheet just to catalog the books. So this organizing business is definitely not done.