Like The Tomato
Nothing here but my musings about daily life, books, anime, and food.
Well, I still have no motivation. I mean, no surprise there. However, I did laundry, which I have not done in a while. I consider this a win! Honestly, I was just thankful that I have enough clothes to use and that I could survive without doing laundry for a bit.
The big-ticket items on my list are still pending. I still have no motivation to do such things. And oddly, I am okay with that. I know that I would get to do them in time. Eventually.
However, despite the non-motivation of doing anything, I was able to finish Hi, Anxiety. It was a good memoir. Of course, it was a very timely read for me. So that was good. I’m currently debating on reading another nonfiction. I’m kind of in a kick so I kind of want to take advantage of it. I am still reading Lolita and Adrenaline Rush. Those books just took a backseat when I picked up Hi, Anxiety.
Hey, I also found a new BookTuber to follow – Ian Gubeli! It’s pretty difficult to find someone new on YT. This guy just started uploading last month and he only has about 10-ish vods up. Yeah, pretty fresh. I found a video he uploaded today on my recommended videos. And he made me want to reread It by Stephen King. I would think about it. Or just pick up one of the other Stephen King books I have sitting on the shelf. Who knows? I refuse to decide right now.
Any plans tonight? I would be reading. That has been my MO for the last few weeks. And I’m okay with that.
I have been neglecting this again. Not that I have anything important to say. I am just in a bad place right now. I am fine for the most part. Just living with a lack of motivation to do anything. And the fact that I just really want to curl up in bed. Yeah, if you know, you know. I also have been finding myself sick all the time. Well, I should say “sick”. Just a lot of headaches and my allergies have been awful lately. All good. I know that I’ll get better eventually. Just taking it a day at a time. Our best would never be the same every day. My best last month is definitely not the same as my best the last couple of weeks. My best these days is getting out of bed. And I need to be okay with that. I am working on it.
Depression is a bitch. But I am also realizing that I don’t have it as bad as a lot of people. But that doesn’t invalidate the fact that I feel it. And it’s still debilitating. I struggle to get out of bed in the morning and often fight the temptation to go back to bed throughout the day. Sometimes I succumb to it. Sometimes the fight is successful. As I said, I am struggling lately.
Anyway, despite not having the energy to do anything else, I have been reading. I do not have the focus for reading for a long time, but at least I am able to read maybe 10 pages or so of the books I’m consuming right now. I am reading three books. So I take that as a win. I have been trying to sit outside in the morning for at least 30 minutes and read or write. And yes, I don’t try to force myself to be out there for a long time. I just want to look at something else aside from the bed. Be outside, but not really being outside?
It’s okay, I just really need to be okay when I am like this. I often berate myself and call myself lazy. But that is not the case though, right?
I’ve been finding myself in such a slump lately. Well, for the most part, my life is in a slump. I find myself in a very depressive mood. Not having any motivation to do anything at all – from chores to actually doing something that I planned on doing. The last couple of weeks have been difficult for me. I wasn’t feeling well last week so I didn’t really do anything last week. That kind of extended to this week. And now it’s affecting my very being. I find myself self-isolating. Sure I still talk to my man or to my roommate. But most of the time, I feel like I’d rather be in bed and read. Or journal. Yeah, loner hobbies.
My reading has been okay. Not too bad. It could be better, in my opinion. I am still in the first 50 pages of Lolita and I am reading a romance novel as well. So I am not reading as quickly as I want. It doesn’t bother me too much but I sometimes wish I read quicker. I am not going to lie, there are some books and stories that I pretty much inhale and finish in a day or two. But there are some that drag and I find myself being taken out of the story for something or another. It could be because I had to type a sentence into Google Translate. Or I get annoyed with how the story is progressing because the progression does not make sense. These two things are the main issues that I’m experiencing right now with the books that I’m currently reading.
I will be picking up Enzo tomorrow from the dealers! It took about two days for them to get done with the things that needed to be changed and updated on the green monster. I was worried because I was scared that we won’t have a car this weekend to do errands. And also I have some kind of happy hour, get-together, celebration thingy with some friends from that lab I worked at. So that should be fun. I haven’t gone out in a while So we shall see.
Plans tonight? Read. I was able to read sporadically throughout the day today. So that was good. But I want to read more tonight.
I did it. I finally bought myself a Traveler’s Notebook. This was something that I had been stopping myself from buying for years. But since I want to use my fountain pen exclusively now, I decided it was time to buy it. I mean, the initial purchase was definitely something. But the refills for it are less than $12. Or at least the refill paper that I would be using for it is not expensive. And after trying it today for the first time, all I could think of was why I waited for years before actually doing it. I didn’t feel the need to hold the pen so tightly, I didn’t feel the urge to press the nib on the paper hard, and it was just writing smoothly there was no stress on my wrist. It was nice.
My day was spent taking naps on my chair. And some reading was done. But mostly naps. I took naps the whole day. It was nice. But me taking a lot of naps in a day was an indication that I am not in a good place. Granted, I was feeling off when I woke up. I mean, I was congested, my chest was tight. And the fact that my inhaler barely helped with the breathing meant that I was also having some kind of anxiety attack. It was not good. Today was not good.
No big plans tonight. Just rest. I need to wake up early tomorrow because I need to leave the apartment at 8 AM. I have an appointment, unfortunately.
You know, it’s hard reading Lolita. I started reading it last night and I was like come on! This narrator pretty much tells you in the beginning that he likes girls. There’s no coming back from that one. Was I triggered? Not necessarily. But I already know what I would feel about this book after I finish reading it. If I am this annoyed and I am only the first few pages, I probably would be livid as I continue reading.
It was pretty chilly today. And I was all for it. I even needed a sweater to sit out on the balcony. A SWEATER! Yes. I need this weather all the time. It was gloomy, it was chilly, and it rained. Perfect weather. I was energized the whole day. I mean, I was still lazy, but I wasn’t tired.
I ended up watching Dazed and Confused (1993) with Chris today. I have never watched this movie. All I knew was that Matthew McConaughey was in it and said “Alright, alright, alright”. And it was a movie about high school seniors doing their annual hazing of incoming freshmen. I mean, it was fun. It was one of those movies that I could just leave playing and not give it too much attention.
My right wrist has been hurting. I really need to start using my fountain pen now. And invest in notebooks that are fountain pen friendly. The journal that I’m using right now is not, since I am using a sketchbook. Most likely next week, I’ll get one. I do have a notebook given to me by my boyfriend. It uses stone paper, so I need to research what kind of pens can I use in it. We shall see.
Plan tonight? Read a little bit. Other than, just chill.
I feel so tired feeling that I don’t have privacy. And that’s because I don’t. I have my computer set up in the common area and I am not happy that I don’t have a personal space. So yeah, I am desperate for a new place right now. Of course, that is not plausible at the moment. But that will be at the back of my brain until it is time to move again. But for now, I will keep on dreaming.
Anyway, I woke up with my right arm hurting. I think I slept on it but I don’t know since I woke up on my left side. So for the whole day, I have a pain relief patch on my arm. Because why not? Also, it’s hot, making me not want to move and just be in bed and sleep. Which I did. I actually took a nap. Also, Paco was just too cute and made me sleepy. So that happened in the afternoon.
I had to take a raincheck hanging out with my man. We did hang out yesterday, which was good. We did end up watching a couple of movies. We finally finished the Twilight series. We watched Breaking Dawn Part 2. Out of the five movies, he did prefer the Breaking Dawn movies. His reaction to the climax of the part 2 movie. And it was great. He did that surprised laugh. Which I was expecting. And then pretty much, he just couldn’t stop laughing when Aro changed his tune.
We tried watching Hell Baby. 30 minutes in, we just decided to give up on it. It was too painful to watch. It was pretty bad. He wanted to watch Idiocracy. He didn’t like it. I found it okay. I mean I laughed at some parts. It was cringy in some parts. I mean, the premise was interesting. But honestly, I mean I think it was just not executed well. The premise was really interesting. I don’t know, I mean obviously, they went for a more comedic route on this. However, I feel like this would’ve been better as a more serious piece. You know, that piece that will make you think and will live in your head rent-free after you watch it. Oh well.
Today was a slow day, I just cooked chicken adobo with coconut milk. It’s funny since I never had it before so I am not sure how it would turn out or how it should taste. Surprisingly, it turned out good! But next time, I think I would add some ginger and Thai chili peppers just to give the flavor a bit more depth.
Any plans tonight? Read. I haven’t picked up a book since the other day, so I want to do that tonight. I was planning on doing that this afternoon, but I took a nap. So tonight it is.