Friendly. Outgoing. Cheerful. These are certain characteristics a person needs to make friends easily. Like a breeze. Really. So how come, one year in Seattle and I find myself friendless. Well, not friendless per se but more like I haven’t made any new friends. Which would’ve bothered some people. But I’m pretty unfazed by it. I am just merely stating an observation.

Now, not that I never made connections. Interactions at work did help with making connections. I mean casual conversations did build some foundation and unearthed some common interests. But it didn’t really escalated to anything other than that – casual conversations and polite interactions. I find it interesting that new transplants do have an issue with making quick friendships here in Seattle – unless they actually move here with someone or they already know people here. Starting new friendships can be difficult in a new City for sure but in Seattle, it seems like an effort.

I keep on coming back to when I was based in San Diego. It was damn right easy to make friends. To be honest, I almost didn’t have to try. San Diegans are very welcoming. I remembered my first week on a job there and almost instantly I was invited to a party happening that weekend. San Diegans are a lot more inclusive. Groups and cliques are very common. You just get invited to get togethers, potlucks, parties. You just feel included. Like I said, one person doesn’t even have to try hard to make those connections, you just have to make sure that you show up to where you got invited to. Seattle is definitely not like that.

New transplants to the city will definitely agree that Seattleites are nice and definitely polite. But for some reason, it doesn’t extend to anything more than that. Like it almost feel superficial. The term Seattle Freeze gets thrown around, something to blame really why new transplants have a hard time making new friends. This is a touchy subject. And why wouldn’t it be? I mean it definitely paints Seattleites in such a negative light – cold, distant, disinterested, flaky. I for sure don’t want to be described that way. But I really don’t think that that is the case. I don’t see locals as cold, distant, disinterested or flaky. They just do their own thing and they are comfortable with that.

And that is why I feel right at home in Seattle. I have read of Seattle Freeze before. Came across it during my research prior to moving here. Articles and videos alike. But the social phenomenon really didn’t deter me from moving here. I wanted to be in the city where no one knows me. There is something so freeing about that. And the longer I can keep my life as noisy free as possible is definitely a temptation.

I did say that I am friendly, outgoing and cheerful. I am those and for making a good impression, those characteristics are imperative. But to be honest, I kind of adapted those characteristics living in San Diego. The city forced me to be more open because the city itself demanded it from me. San Diego is a very social city and I kind of adapted to that lifestyle. And out of habit, those characteristics tend to be on the forefront when I interact with people.

If I am being honest though, I am very introverted and a loner. Despite my adaption to the San Diego social scene, I prefer to be alone. Solitude is always my preference. Even my hobbies are solitary – reading, writing, journaling. So, moving to Seattle has been a breath of fresh air. Knowing nobody in Seattle sang to my introverted soul. And for the most part people in Seattle just leave you alone. San Diego was great but damn, a skill in small talks is crucial and I am not a fan of them. But in Seattle, you really don’t have to. It’s socially acceptable to have your headphones in the bus and just be in your own world. You can sit alone in a coffee shop, read if you want, hammer your fingers on your laptop, sip your coffee and just watch people and you can be rest assured that no one will ever bother you. Seattleites are more like that, they like doing things alone, they’re comfortable with it, and that is definitely something different than what I was used to.

So for the last year, that’s all I’ve been doing really. Getting lost in my own world. It felt really great to not have social obligations. I mean sure, I am expected to still be social at work but it doesn’t really go beyond that. And that is a drug on its own. Knowing that I can be invited to a happy hour and say no without much guilt after. I like knowing that once I leave work, I can just put my headphones on, listen to music and read in the bus on the way home. Or listen to an audiobook and get lost in that world. And no one will disturb you.

Being a loner naturally had its disadvantages. I have been described as cold, distant, disinterested and flaky. Familiar? Oh yeah. Is true? Definitely not. I filter people, I don’t gravitate to social interactions and it takes time for me to warm up to someone. You can talk to my real friends – the friends who’ve known me for years – and they will tell you that it definitely took time to get to know me. And the way I see it, Seattleites are the same. It just takes time. Some locals even say that new transplants just need to be patient and the friendship will ultimately bloom naturally. For all I know that could be true. I don’t plan on finding out really, not much need really. I personally feel that I have more than enough true friends to last me a lifetime.