Like The Tomato
Nothing here but my musings about daily life, books, anime, and food.
- Title: Lolita
- Author: Vladimir Nabokov
- Genre: Classic
- Pages: 317
- Publisher: Vintage International
- Published: 1955 (first publication), 1989 (50th edition)
There was no rhyme or reason for my reading this book. It was very superficial really – I wanted to be able to say “I read it”. I guess you can say that I was just curious as to what it is really. This was not the first time I picked this book up. I tried to read this novel a few years ago but I couldn’t shake off the fact that the novel was in the POV of a very very unreliable narrator. I remember deciding that I couldn’t go through with it and put the book back on my shelf. However, after watching a few videos on this book recently, I got the itch to give it a second try. I knew and I understood that I would need to keep an open mind reading the text. Not going to lie, I had to prep my brain a little bit so that I could actually dive into the story.
Let’s talk about the writing first. This was a well-written book. The prose was beautiful. The novel was very accessible. Sure, there were unfamiliar words that I had to look up but I didn’t mind that one bit. The writing had texture for sure. There were phrases in French, some in Latin. Nabokov had a way to just draw you in. However, the phrases that gave the writing texture also were the ones that disturbed the reading experience for me. To quote Dolores or Lolita, “…do you mind very much cutting out the French? It annoys everybody”. I laughed when I read that specific line. Because at that point in the book, I was tired of typing these phrases to a translator. And yes, I was complaining that it took me out of the story so often that it got so exhausting at times. Regardless, Nabokov managed to capture and tantalize me. The author placed me, as a reader, as part of the jury to pass judgment on Humbert Humbert.
The subject matter is definitely controversial. I feel like Nabokov thought, “I want to write a novel about obsession and possession and maybe love but in the most controversial way”. And here we are! Look, there is no question about the legality of the sexual relations between an adult and a minor. In this case, between a 37-year-old man and a 12-year-old girl. No questions about it. Even Humbert Humbert himself knew his desire for this kid was illegal. If the narrator was charged with this offense, there would be no legal defense for him. It does not exist. Regardless if Lolita seduced Humbert. Regardless if Lolita gave her consent. Those would be irrelevant. Because Lolita being 12 years old trumps everything else.
The novel chronicled the seduction, the grooming, the consummation, and the downfall of Humbert’s relationship with Lolita which led to a crime that he was on trial for. This novel was his confession to that crime. It was a legal document, a formal written document. A witness statement told in Humbert’s POV. As a reader, as part of the jury, it was clear that he was guilty of the crime. However, the novel/confession also detailed a crime that he was not charged with. Not sure how that would work in court or the legal system, but it made me “listen” and observe something that is considered illegal and offensive. And that was the chunk of this book. The crime that Humbert was on trial for was only discussed in the foreword and the last chapters of the book. The rest was a detail of a totally different crime that was used to explain his motive. Regardless of how immoral, how narcissistic, how selfish, Humbert told his truth and his reality. This confession was made to make the jury understand why he did what he did.
Anyway, this was a ride. It was difficult for me to read at times. I would lie if I said that some parts did not trigger my anxiety. Because it did. I knew for a fact that I had notes in there saying that Humbert Humbert was a dirty old man – gross. And I was meant to feel that way. However, I was also forced to look at this as a true confession of his reality. His shame. Humbert was pretty aware that his obsession, or dare I say it, love with Lolita was illegal. He knew it. And he was sharing this shameful thing as a context to a crime that he committed, the crime that he was being judged on. Regardless of how thought-provoking this novel is, regardless of how beautifully it was written, I really don’t think a reader is missing anything if he/she has not read this work. This book is not for everyone. I know there are a number of people who actually really loved this book and reread it from time to time. I personally would not read it again. I think once was enough for me to say “Yeah, I read Lolita”.
- Title: Tomie
- Author: Junji Ito
- Genre: Manga, Horror
- Pages: 752
- Publisher: VIZ Media
- Published: 2016
I am not a horror reader. So picking this up for a read is out of character for me. What made me interested in it? My roommate and I went to a Japanese bookstore a while back and she bought this tome. She read it and liked it. And I wanted to see what this is all about. As I flipped through the pages of this chunker, I got hooked on the artwork. So I decided to read it.
Tomie was Junji Ito’s first published work which led to him winning a Kazuo Umezu award. This has been serialized in Monthly Halloween and ran from 1987 to 2000. This work has been adapted into film and television series. Let’s just say that this manga was (is) well-loved, gathered a following, and has been praised by fans as well as critics.
The titular character is Tomie Kawakami who acted like a succubus. She has the power to make any man fall in love with her. Of course, the power does not end there. This ability of hers drives men to violence oftentimes leading to her being killed and mutilated. Each body part regenerates to create multiple versions of Tomie across Japan. I mean, interesting right?
This manga is pretty graphic. I mean, one of the reasons why I decided to pick it up is the fact that the author did not shy away from the illustrations of violence. This manga definitely delivered some skin-crawling artwork that lives rent-free in my brain. There is a story in this collection that still makes me itchy just thinking about it.
It’s easy to complain about recurring themes in this manga. I mean, how many times can someone read and see Tomie being murdered and mutilated by the men who fall in love with her. However, Tomie showed a level of toxicity when someone is manipulative and narcissistic. It showed obsession and the desire to possess remarkably well. And jealousy too. These themes heavily reflected society – manipulation, humiliation, misogyny, violence, and sexism.
Bottom line, I liked this manga. It was a good read for sure. Some stories were better than the others of course. My favorite stories were Tomie (the first one, we got introduced to Tomie) and Hair (which involved two girls using Tomie’s hair to make themselves “beautiful”). If I could redo my first read of this collection, I wouldn’t have read the stories back to back. I personally think that the reader was not meant to read this back to back to begin with. However, that didn’t really minimize my reading experience. Just the symbolism found in this manga kept me reading. It almost made me want to read all of Junji Ito’s works (almost, I have not committed myself to them yet).
I had a pretty successful reading month. It helped that I really didn’t want to do anything else. I also knew that the quantity and material that I read on a monthly basis were not up to par with other readers out there. And that was okay.
I used to be jealous of people who could sit and read all day – reading three or more books a week. It took me a while to actually accept that I probably won’t be able to do that. People are different – reading speed, jobs, free time. There were a lot of factors to consider. And it took a while for me to stop comparing myself to other readers. I even stopped making “read xx amount of books” as a yearly goal for me. I just don’t see myself reading 100+ books a year.
Anyway, I read 8 things in August – 1 manhwa, 1 memoir, and 6 novels. 81 episodes and 1749 total pages. 1 webtoon, 1 physical book, 6 eBooks. For how I am, this was a decent reading month. Trust me, it would be lucky if I finish 3 books in a month. So this much reading was good.
Secondo Piatto (manhwa, webtoon). It was decent. I had fun with this BL webtoon about a chef and a detective. The chef’s restaurant was located in an area where the mafia was very interested in. Some action ensued. The chef and the detective were both in love with their best friends who happened to get married. And they were stuck in this loneliness of losing both the love of their lives. And you guessed it, they turned to each other for comfort. It was okay. I enjoyed it for the most part so I cannot really complain. I’ve read better manhwas for sure. But for what it was, the story was cute.
Hi, Anxiety (memoir, physical book). I already have a separate post about this one. I picked it because I felt like I was drowning in depression and anxiety, so I wanted to read about how someone was able to live with something like this. Check the post here.
Adrenaline Rush, Omega’s Kiss, Father Figure, and Together Again (novels, eBooks). These are books 2 to 5 of a five-novel series called Never Too Late. It’s an omegaverse series set in Boston. The characters included detectives (the alphas) in the Cold Case division and their respective omegas. Not going to elaborate too much. I am still thinking if I want to create separate posts for this specific genre. If you enjoy the alpha-omega dynamic, this series as a whole is decent. I enjoyed the books for the most part.
Rogue Wolf, and Alpha’s Shadow (novels, eBooks). These are books 1 and 2 of a ten-novel series called Haven City. This is an urban fantasy M/M romance series involving the shadow world of Haven City. We have shifters, sorcerers, elves, seers, healers…You name it, this series would most likely have it. Books 1 and 2 mainly focused on detectives Sharp and Alwen, who incidentally are both members of the shadow world – Sharp, a wolf shifter, and Alwen, a half-elf seer. Again, I am not going to elaborate. As I said, I am not sure if I want to create a separate post for this genre. The first two books were fun. I enjoyed the action, the mystery, and the “mate” trope.
For the most part, I am reading for enjoyment. Aside from reading classics and nonfiction, a lot of the books that I chose to read are mostly for my escapism. And this month was no different. Aside from the memoir, these books were chosen for my entertainment and distraction. I am not sure what September will look like. I have plans on going back to a schedule this month so we shall see how that would affect my reading.
- Title: Hi, Anxiety: Life With a Bad Case of Nerves
- Author: Kat Kinsman
- Genre: Nonfiction, Memoir
- Pages: 229
- Publisher: HarperEnt
- Published: 2017
This book has been sitting on my bookshelf for a while. A couple of years maybe? Who really knows. What made me decide to pick the book up? Why now? Well, it’s very timely actually. I am in a downward spiral with mental health and I wanted to read how someone lives through it.
Well, one thing that I realized as I experience Kat Kinsman’s memoir was the fact that I really do not have it as bad as other people. My anxiety and depression are nothing compared to other people. And for that I’m grateful. Because I would have no idea what to do with myself. I could barely manage what I have right now.
One quote that really resonated with me was “…the fewer people who worried about me, the less guilt I had about taxing their strained resources”. I felt this. I am a suffer-alone kind of person. So I know this feeling very well. I don’t like having to disturb anyone else with my issues. But this memoir is about Kat’s journey in accepting, sharing with others, and living with her “baggage”. And I enjoyed every minute of it.
There were some situations and feelings that definitely felt familiar. Might not be of the same magnitude, but I felt it nonetheless. One thing that hit me in the head was the constant question of self-worth. “Because you don’t deserve any of this…” This was in the intro, second paragraph. And as I read the whole statement, all I could think of was oh shit. Always constantly questioning the blessings, the material things, the people, and even the dogs that I have in my life. I’m still working on this. I mean, I know that everything I have I worked hard for. The people around me, the few of them, chose to stay with me regardless of my own “baggage”. And my dogs, well my dogs love me unconditionally. I have to work on not questioning these things so much.
There were some triggering situations. Well, one. Bullying. Not that I experienced it firsthand. But I just don’t understand how a person can do such things. I mean, the mind games and the way Kat’s “friend” just demolished her self-confidence was such a horrible thing to do. The fact of the matter is that this was all done by a kid. Yeah. Crazy. Some of her experiences made me laugh. Well not LOL, but I laughed nonetheless. I mean, Kat’s stint as a dominatrix was entertaining. I understood why she enjoyed it. It was getting some kind of control or having something that she can control. I understood all that. Do I have the same urge? Not really. But I get it.
I also enjoyed her take on her relationships. A lot of them were of course unsuccessful. But I thoroughly enjoyed how she and her husband got together. I like the fact that it was him that she opened up to, it was him that she welcomed to her space. And the fact that he accepted her “baggage” was really commendable. I mean, just reading about her crippling depression and anxiety, I could say that it would be a lot of burden to someone else. Especially to a partner. I don’t say this lightly, it takes a special person to be with someone who has this kind of baggage. And I really liked that Kat found her special someone. The fact that he made her feel safe enough so that she can share herself with him. That is something. And her dad! I cannot forget her dad. Every time that he was mentioned in the book, I couldn’t help but smile. He was such a gem and a saint.
The book was really honest and very candid in a way. It seems raw. At least to me. I loved the sections titled “Irrational Fear”. But there was really one thing that I want to take with me: Anxiety “is not weakness. This is not craziness. This is not anything to be ashamed of”. I need to keep repeating this to myself. Because yes. It’s not. Sure, I’ve been more open about my anxiety but I am still a working progress. A lifetime of unlearning and all that. And I also have to remember that leaning on someone else is okay. “They’re grateful to see you unclench a little, let your guard down, and trust them to see the real you – even if that’s an anxious, needy mess.” The people who really care about me will stay and support me. Will understand. And me opening up, sharing my space, and letting them in my mess shows that I trust them. And I think that is a good foundation for any relationship.
- Title: Lord of the Flies
- Author: William Golding
- Genre: YA Fiction, Allegory
- Pages: 190
- Publisher: Putnam Publishing Group
- Published: 1954
What happens when a group of kids crash-landed on an inhabited island? Well, let me just say that they would not be peacefully waiting at the beach to be rescued. I honestly do not like rowdy kids. And aside from Piggy, the rest of the kids are just rowdy, some are bullies. Yeah, I was aggravated by some of the situations in this little novel. Of course, this is not just some kind of adventure book about preteen rowdy boys. No way. To the core, this is a story of the fall of society. This book takes a closer look at how human nature shapes society.
I found myself aggravated as the story progressed. From the bullying that Piggy constantly got from these boys to the increasing descent to savagery and cruelty. It was hard to see some of these kids lose their morality. For the most part, I forgot that these were kids because when it all comes down to it, I think people – adults – would respond the same way when put in this kind of situation.
Now, I am not about to dissect this novel and discuss the symbolism of a novel like this. I am not planning on writing an essay ala English writing class. One thing that I can say though, this is a thought-provoking one. And that is what I enjoyed the most about reading this book. I am glad that I never had to read this in class when I was in my teens. The subject matter is dark and the book definitely has violence in it. I mean, reading it now as an adult was difficult (maybe I’m just sheltered) and all I could think of was “This was meant for children”? Young adult? Maybe.
I need to read more classics like this.
- Title: The Lies I Tell
- Author: Julia Clark
- Genre: Domestic Thriller
- Pages: 320
- Publisher: Sourcebooks Landmark
- Published: 2022
I like a good thriller mystery. So it was no surprise why I picked this book up. I read the synopsis and it gave me Anna Delvey vibes. Conwoman came back to her home state not knowing that there was a reporter hell-bent on exposing her.
Meg was the con artist. Kat was the reporter. And this book basically revolves around their relationships. And their motivations for why they do things.
And with that, I found Kat’s motivations for exposing Meg a bit weak. Look, I love good a revenge story. And yes, Kat was exacting revenge on Meg for something that happened to her years ago. This situation eventually changed her life. And that was fine. But honestly, it was such a misplaced blame that I got annoyed every single time I was reading Kat’s chapters.
Meg’s chapters on the other hand were a delight to read. I was really glad that the book was able to convey her reasons and motivations so clearly. I enjoyed the flashbacks on her for sure. I am not surprised that I enjoyed her chapters a lot. I am kind of obsessed with heist things so her chapters were right up my alley. I definitely enjoyed her first and last cons the most. Although all her cons were satisfying.
Of course, since this was a thriller, there was a twist! Which I kind of figured out a lot sooner before the big reveal. I was in denial for the most part and refused to accept it. I was too invested.
I do not hate this book. I enjoyed it for the most part. I liked it enough to push through the book. I could’ve easily put it down and stopped reading it if I was not enjoying it. I just found it harder to go read through Kat’s chapters. It was muddled with misplaced blame and obsession almost. But other than that, I thought the book was fine.