I have been neglecting this again. Not that I have anything important to say. I am just in a bad place right now. I am fine for the most part. Just living with a lack of motivation to do anything. And the fact that I just really want to curl up in bed. Yeah, if you know, you know. I also have been finding myself sick all the time. Well, I should say “sick”. Just a lot of headaches and my allergies have been awful lately. All good. I know that I’ll get better eventually. Just taking it a day at a time. Our best would never be the same every day. My best last month is definitely not the same as my best the last couple of weeks. My best these days is getting out of bed. And I need to be okay with that. I am working on it.

Depression is a bitch. But I am also realizing that I don’t have it as bad as a lot of people. But that doesn’t invalidate the fact that I feel it. And it’s still debilitating. I struggle to get out of bed in the morning and often fight the temptation to go back to bed throughout the day. Sometimes I succumb to it. Sometimes the fight is successful. As I said, I am struggling lately.

Anyway, despite not having the energy to do anything else, I have been reading. I do not have the focus for reading for a long time, but at least I am able to read maybe 10 pages or so of the books I’m consuming right now. I am reading three books. So I take that as a win. I have been trying to sit outside in the morning for at least 30 minutes and read or write. And yes, I don’t try to force myself to be out there for a long time. I just want to look at something else aside from the bed. Be outside, but not really being outside?

It’s okay, I just really need to be okay when I am like this. I often berate myself and call myself lazy. But that is not the case though, right?