Yeah, it has been a while. 3 days. I’ve just been having a hard time lately. I’m in a weird mindset. I’ve been feeling detached from everything – zero motivation. And I’m tired. I’m tired of putting on a smiling face all the time. Tired of putting up a front that I’m okay. When all I really wanted to do was just curl up into a ball and wallow in my depression for a bit.

Anyway, I’ve been having sleepless nights. Or if I do sleep, the quality will be horrible. Tuesday night, I was wide awake, and my anxiety was very much kicking my ass. And I brain was nagging me that I need to sleep, and I kept looking at the time, which resulted in my anxiety being fueled more. So – all I could do was not go to work on Wednesday. Because I had no sleep, my head was splitting in two. And I could barely open my eyes because the light was making the headache worse.

Thursday – what did I do yesterday? I mean I went to work, but pretty much was antisocial the whole day. I was in the office with my door closed because I need to not be around people. But it was Chris’ birthday so I put up a good face and watched some movies with her. We had some Korean fried chicken, spicy dduckboki, pizza corn cheese, with a side of extra spicy sauce. That was some dinner. We watched a couple of movies.

Single All the Way. It’s about Peter and him asking his best friend, Nick, to pose as his boyfriend on a Christmas visit home. It’s very heartwarming. Peter’s family was great, a bit meddling, but great. It was not a dream family for sure, but they seemed really close and genuinely love each other. Of course, this won’t be complete without a love triangle. It’s definitely not a new trope, you know. It’s been done before but that did not change the way I enjoyed the movie. I mean, it made me realize that I want to really live in a small town and own a bar. All in all, the movie is cute and definitely a feel-good one. I mean it’s about falling in love with your best friend and honestly realizing that he is your person. What’s not to love about that?

Friendsgiving. It’s a quiet thanksgiving among friends that escalated to a chaotic night when uninvited guests crash the party. Definitely chaotic, and cringy at times. I enjoyed the fact that the dialogues were improvised at times. And you know, I think it was and that made the movie for me, to be honest. It was almost raw in the delivery and I appreciated that. Life is definitely raw and this movie was that. From heartache, to being broken, to being high, to making out with one of your friends, the random conversations…Yeah, it was real. 

Friday – well, I also had a rough night Thursday night. Interrupted sleep all the way for me. So I was pretty tired when I woke up. Normally, I would dress up a bit when I go to work. You know, look decent at least. I was having none of that when I woke up this morning. My outfit? An oversized sweater, a pair of sweatpants, my hair in a very messy bun, and just moisturizer and SPF. I didn’t give a shit today. My team was down two people, and we were busy sample-size-wise. So I was just in the lab the whole day. Didn’t even look at any of my emails, that could wait. 

I got a surprise when I got home though. My hun sent me a package. I mean he misspelled my last name but what can I do? He got me a book – Heaven’s Official Blessing book 1. The cover is just so pretty! The book is heavier than I was expecting. I mean it’s heavier than the hardbound book that I am currently reading. It’s so dense! He also got me a game – Spiritfarer. I’m not a huge gamer, and I definitely enjoy games more when I play with him. So he got this one since he also wants to check out. And he wants to play it together. It came with some postcards (not sure how much, since they’re wrapped) and stickers! Which are so cute. And the last items in the box are a notebook and a pencil. An etched stone paper journal and an infinity pencil. The paper is so pretty, so smooth. From what I gather, it’s mixed media paper, I would need to test it out. I’m excited.

I actually might start reading Heaven’s Official Blessing already. Although I shouldn’t since I am already juggling a few books already. But I don’t want it to just be sitting next to my bed! We shall see.